


here your lies are sweet (tomorrow brings them true)

by smokeynights



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer Quote, Canonical Character Death, Endgame Ruined My Life, Love Confessions, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Sad Ending, Slight Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Steve Rogers Feels, The Avengers (2012) - Freeform, Time Travel, Tony Stark Has A Heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-08
Updated: 2019-06-08
Packaged: 2020-04-23 02:26:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19141699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smokeynights/pseuds/smokeynights
Summary: Set during Endgame. When Steve and Tony travel back in time to 2012, they arrive a few minutes earlier than expected. After watching himself fall from the portal, Tony sees Steve's smile from a new perspective and certain things come to light.





	here your lies are sweet (tomorrow brings them true)

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me at one in the morning while I lay in bed crying over Tony Stark and I stumbled across a gifset of Steve's smile in Avengers. You know the one.

For the life of him, Steve can’t figure out how they ended up back here. Here being ducked behind a wall with Tony eleven years in the past and watching as a blur of red and gold soars through the sky, a falling star headed for impact until the Hulk leaps with a roar to catch Tony’s limp body. Tony affects a stiff upper lip while he watches from a distance as the Hulk crash to the ground and Thor who throws the faceplate away. Tony’s unresponsive face, bared and vulnerable, pale with a hint of bruising. It still hurts. Steve feels like his gut has been kicked, like the air has been driven from his lungs and he’s helpless to do a thing but watch. His past-self leans in to gauge Tony’s heartbeat.

Steve can hear it now, beating against all odds.

The Hulk roars and Tony jerks awake, eyes wide and fragile. Steve sees his duplicate’s shoulders slump in relief, feels the air in his lungs and revels in its sting. Beside him Tony makes a soft noise, a confused squeak that shouldn’t sound so endearing from a man in his fifties. Steve turns to look at him, eyebrows furrowed.

‘Huh.’

‘Tony?’

‘Did you always,’ Tony sounds stricken and he gulps, ‘That smile. Did you always smile at me like that?’

Steve sucks in a breath and musters up a frown, head tilting. He knows the expression that’s on his face, knows the relief and awe and adoration is shining true as he beams down at Tony a few feet away, just as Steve knows that were his past-self not so completely enamoured with the man he would hear them right now, clear as day.

‘I guess?’ Steve tries, but it comes out weak. ‘I’m not sure what you mean, Tony.’

Tony turns to him with a gaze so critical Steve feels like he’s been torn apart limb from limb and put back together in all the wrong places. Their counterparts slowly collect themselves from the ground and Steve watches with heated cheeks as he clasps Tony’s shoulder, as they walk away with their hands brushing every few steps despite not looking at one another.

‘Steve,’ Tony whispers, in a voice so soft Steve is helpless but to look at him.

Steve curses. ‘What do you want me to _say_ , Tony?’ He bows his neck, ashamed of the desperate edge to his tone. His hands clench and unclench into fists while the crumbling wall supports his weight

‘Steve,’ Tony repeats. ‘Did you always – Did I never notice?’

Steve can’t, _won’t_ answer him. A hand reaches for his chin and gently tilts his face. Steve shudders, eyes half-lidded while Tony smiles at him tenderly.

‘Lie to me,’ he murmurs, and Steve rears back in shock.

‘No.’ Tony tries to speak and this time Steve reaches out, fingers shaking and light but Tony quiets instantly. ‘I won’t lie to you, not again. You can’t ask me to.’

Tony leans into Steve’s cold hands and his smile is bittersweet. ‘I’m asking anyway. Lie to me, Steve. I’ll understand. Please.’

Steve knows they have to get going, that if they don’t move now they could miss their chance, but he’s trapped in the warmth of Tony’s eyes and doesn’t want to move. He wishes desperately that they could have this one moment, that the world could wait just this once and allow Steve his peace. He hasn’t earned it, not quite yet, and so he lies.

‘I never loved you, and I never smiled at you when you weren’t looking, and it never hurt that you couldn’t see how much I care. I never spent hours agonising over how to tell you about your parents. I never worried while you were missing in space. We’ll win this war and no one will die. You and I, we’ll be allowed to rest. We’ll live until we’re old and happy, with no regrets.’

Tony squeezes his eyes shut.  Steve takes a moment to drink him in; the grey hair, the laugh lines, the slight paunch in his belly. Tony opens his eyes and Steve stares right into them, feels lost in swirling brown and honeyed caramel and glimmering pupils. A small hand holds onto Steve’s, still caressing Tony’s stubbled cheek. Both content to stare a little while longer, to share in this moment.

Around the ghost of a smile Tony whispers, ‘ _Liar_.’

\--

The thing about lies, Steve thinks, is that sometimes they become truths.

No one told Steve the cost of his lies. They won the war. Natasha died, and Tony finally got to rest, and Steve isn’t prepared for life without them. He thinks of Tony often; how he loved him, how his smile never changed from gently loving in all the years they fought, how where once there had been the pain of suffering in silence there is now the pain of agonising loss. It comforts Steve as much as it kills him; one ache replaced with another, harsher, brutal and unforgiving – but, in the end, Tony died knowing the measure of Steve’s love. They had their moment of blissful ignorance and Tony understood the lies.

Steve hopes that Natasha and Tony are happy, wherever they may be. He hopes that they died without regret, even if he himself cannot. Steve hasn’t yet earned his peace; he’s a liar, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as a shameless excuse to use that one BTVS quote (S2 EP7) and to release my inner angst, though I don't think it's worked quite as well as I hoped.
> 
> Please let me know what you think! Comments and kudos are appreciated wholeheartedly.


End file.
